Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented by the “Twelve Days of Christmas” committee à
1. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.
2. Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective, in addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. These positions are eliminated.
3. The three French hens will remain intact, after all everyone loves those French maids.
4. The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system.
5. The five golden rings have been put on hold, due to negative implications for institutional investors and planned diversification into other precious metals.
6. The six geese a laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded.
7. The seven swans a swimming will be replaced by mechanical swans which have less maintenance and care.
8. The eight maids a milking is being evaluated by the Milk Producers Union as a derogatory image being portrayed, more on this later.
9. The nine ladies dancing are being phased out, after all they are getting too old to keep on dancing. The younger ladies are too busy chasing the younger guys.
10. The ten lords a leaping is overkill. The high cost of the Lords, plus the expense of air fare and perdiem are too much. Deleting this item.
11. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is simply a band that is getting too big and will be substituted by a string quartet, with newer music and no uniforms, definitely a cost saver.
12. The issue of 13 lawyers suing is being considered in the supreme court of the land and will be discussed in about 6 months.
enjoy your cold Christmas Day.........
tom
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